Monday, August 03, 2015

RELUCTANCE. DIFFICULTY. INCAPACITY




Specifically in conjunction with marriage – which is not simply a “Contract” but also a “Covenant” – it is definitely not a state of life that is enough to like, to fancy, to dream of.  Strictly speaking marriage is a state of life with its innate attributes of unity, indissolubility not only because it is a contractual agreement but also because it is a covenanted concurrence.  Hence, the often heard remarks or observations:  “Marriage is not an on and off relationship.”  “Marriage is not something you enter into now and exit therefrom sooner or later.”  “Marriage is not an on and off way of living.”  “Marriage can be anything but a honeymoon period forever.”  “Marriage is not meant particularly for those who do not believe in it.”

And considering precisely its essential nature – the basic rights that flow therefrom plus the essential obligations that go therewith – marriage is not for everybody in the same way that not everyone is meant for marriage.  As a rule, it is nice to think of marriage, it is fun to prepare for marriage, it is even exciting to get married.  But after some time of living together 24/7, after mutually knowing the real persons behind the married parties concerned, after probably even bringing other lives into the world, then honest to goodness reality check comes not only about the attributes but specially so regarding the liabilities of the man/husband/father  and/or the woman/wife/mother concerned.  And only then, do the parties really know the “What”, the “Why” and the “How” of marriage as in fact and in truth it actually is.

Many are the cases and many as well are the instances when the common misunderstandings, bilateral disagreements plus mutual alienations between many married couples are resolved or settled through mutual understanding and/or forgiveness, through much goodwill  and patience, through fervent prayers and/or proper marriage counseling.  But all these positive means and approaches can only be realities in the event that both the parties concerned had the following three fundamental dispositions:  One, the willingness to get married.  Two, the readiness to face the difficulties of married life.  Three, the capacity to live married life in terms not simply of exercising the rights but also fulfilling the obligations essential to marriage.  In other words, both the man and the woman should have the following personal traits: 

The unconditional willingness to get married.  Even from its very start, it would be unrealistic to even but think that unwillingness to get married is the premise of pacified married life, i.e., when “No!” is made a “Yes!”.

The realistic readiness to get married.  When someone is not ready to get married, marriage should not even be thought off, much less in fact entered into such as would be not simply unreasonable but actually erratic.

The socio-affective capacity to get married.  When either the man and/or the woman is precisely incapacitated for marriage intents and purposes due to incapacitating personality traits, marriage would be the last thing for either of them to even but think about.